aka Blog

Updated: Jun 14, 2019

There is one thing that you always have the power to do, and understanding this essential power is critical to your ongoing success and happiness.

We all have those days when everything that was seemingly going our way suddenly goes south – you didn’t hit your quota and won’t get your quarterly bonus; out of the blue, a customer cancels a big fat deal you thought was locked in; or your boss takes his You’re lucky to even have this job schtick to the next level.

When faced with things that don’t go our way – in a big way – we all have our own means of coping.

Some people ensconce themselves in a protective shell and stew in shame of their own creation – in other words, they give up simply because something didn’t work out.

The same life events can trigger different reactions in different people.

There are also, however, those people who impressively move forward from perceived failures by giving themselves another shot – trying to hit the next quota, pursuing a bigger deal with a different client, or having a meaningful discussion with the boss in question. These intrepid individuals might repeat earlier mistakes and get the same results, but they might just move forward with a fresh new approach to obtaining the results they want. In the end, it depends...

The most interesting and promising group of reactors out there includes those people who not only get back up after a fall but who also manage to grow stronger in the process. Many such people adopt an outsider’s perspective, which allows them to see the big picture more clearly – without focusing too closely through the lens of self. After a setback, these industrious souls reflect upon how they contributed to the unfavorable results and how they – with personal effort – can effect a more favorable outcome next time.

This is when the magic happens – when you see a direct correlation between what you do and the results you experience. It’s at this juncture that you’re likely to discover that there are better, more productive ways to deal with problematic situations – and the more deeply you reflect, the more clear your options will become.

When you truly understand the correlation between your actions and negative momentum in your life, things have a way of snapping firmly into place and providing you with a CLEAR understanding of your situation and your best options.

There is a cherry on top in all of this:

When things start going in the wrong direction in your life, it’s important to recognize that there is one thing no one can take away from you – your ability to interpret and apply any meaning you choose to the situation at hand.

This represents a powerful choice that is yours alone.

Ultimately, you are in charge of how you interpret your life’s trajectory. Though you may not have any say about being laid off, for example, your reaction to this setback is yours alone. You can fret over it, or you can turn it into an opportunity to find a better position or to transform your life completely!

Before finding significant success in my career, I failed many times. The process, however, only served to make me a stronger and a more focused professional (the less drama in my career, the better). You, too, can find your professional strength.

What's the takeaway?

It’s time to reframe your reactions in support of yourself and your goals.

Updated: Jun 14, 2019

A simple guide on what coaching is and is not.

Coaching is all about the here and now – and about your future.

Coaching is different than counseling, mentoring, or psychological intervention.

Coaching focuses not only on the present but also on the future you envision for yourself. Your past experiences matter exactly as much as you want them to matter.

If you’re willing to revisit past experiences to better understand how you tend to make decisions and to use that knowledge to move forward in the present, good for you. If – instead – you want to focus on the past and ruminate on why things happened to you or on what you should have done differently, coaching may not be a good fit.

The past can never be undone. You can, however, assign new meaning to past experiences in your journey toward your future – if that sounds good to you, coaching might be the ticket.

Coaching is goal–oriented, results-driven, and all about You.

Coaching is all about results. And you – as the world’s leading authority on you – remain at the helm. You will outline a sketch of your next best moves and will later design a plan of execution. You will be the master creator of your plan – not your coach, your partner, your best friend, or anyone else.

Coaching’s intention is to help you clearly identify what’s missing in your life and to better understand how that absence holds you back and what to do about it.

Ultimately, you’ll wrap this knowledge up in a tidy package that takes the form of a goal that you’ll go about realizing.

Coaching improves your mood in the long and the short run, but it’s about so much more than that:

- Coaching helps you obtain the clarity you need and desire

- Coaching boosts not only your energy but also your motivation to turn that energy into action

- Coaching increases your confidence in your endeavors

- Coaching improves your self-awareness as it relates to your unique skill set

- Coaching provides you with the support you need when you need it

- Coaching – through the promotion of joy – inspires you to live your fullest life

Coaching is not advice

Offloading your fears, hopes, and dreams to an unknown party who bills him or herself as a mastermind may not be the best way to move your life in the direction you want it to go. Complete the 30 second exercise below, and find out why this is.

Get comfortable in a seated position, close, your eyes, and conjure up the feeling at the core of your existence that you have when someone else gives you well-meaning advice – about something important to you – that simply doesn’t feel right.

For example, when your job coach (or best friend or parent or anyone, really) advises you to stick with the job you hate because, after all, it pays well; or when someone with only your best interests at heart, steers you away from the car of your dreams and toward something more “sensible;” or when another someone gives you a pep talk about how losing some weight is the answer (when you know you’re great the way you are, thanks very much) . . .

You know the feeling? How would you classify it?

Frustration? Disappointment? Anger? Rejection? A sense of not being heard?

When you take ownership of the big decisions in your life, you control your own narrative and future. You, after all, are the architect of your own dreams and successes.

This, of course, does not mean that you should free yourself from the shackles of common sense or ignore the opinions of friends, loved ones, or bona fide experts. Not at all.

Advice – even advice from experienced professionals – often ends up on the scrap heap.

What typically happens is that the recipient of such advice doesn’t buy in, fails to see the relevance, or believes it’s not the right path for herself or himself personally. People ignore excellent advice for a multitude of reasons, and sometimes it’s because they’re terrified of change, but that’s a topic for another day. . .

Coaching is not a shortcut – it’s a beautiful path toward transformation.

Coaching, however, is not a one-size-fits-all proposition. Your coach will not be doing your challenging transformative work for you and delivering it to you on a silver platter. Would you really want someone else to direct your life in the first place? Instead, your coach will help enable you to unlock your own ideas and creative solutions and to delve deeply into your inner strength in ways that were previously unimaginable to you. By opening yourself up in this way, you allow yourself the freedom and space to become truly motivated, to maximize your potential, and to grow outside the bounds of any artificial barriers you may have erected in the past. In the end, you own the amazing journey that awaits you – and all the success and growth it engenders.

Coaching is not for everyone.

Remember that coaches are real people who will share their own opinions and ideas when it’s beneficial to do so. If you have a pressing need to earn a million dollars by the end of the month and your plan forward is to purchase as many Mega Millions tickets as you can possibly afford – for instance – I would be obligated to share my opinion on the matter . . .

Updated: Aug 5, 2019

Your behaviors influence your life, and the way you train your brain can significantly alter the course of it.

The sooner you start on the path toward your most richly rewarding life, the more time you’ll have to enjoy it.

Have you ever wondered what your life would look like if you’d taken that opportunity that you didn’t quite have the courage or will to pursue? Do you ever observe your friends’ successes with envy? Do you have a bad case of the grass is always greener? If so, don’t beat yourself up; these aren’t uncommon regrets, and recognizing that you harbor such thoughts is the first important step toward letting them go.

Most of us have the power and will to move mountains – from very early ages – but we just don’t recognize this supper power. You are one of these people!

One of the pervasive misconceptions about change is that our personalities are formed in early childhood and don’t evolve much after that. For example, when someone gets labeled as lazy – after a bout of laziness – and it sticks because “that’s just how he is,” the stigma is difficult to shake. Further, when someone who comes from a successful family is also successful, that person is often labeled as lucky – as if luck flows through their blood.

Research teaches us that our brains have an amazing ability to adapt to new environments and to develop new neuronal paths that correspond with repetitive behaviors. When you continue to practice playing the piano, your brain develops a special streamlined connectivity for that activity. If, on the other hand, your thing is zoning out in front of the TV, you can expect your brain to hone a solid TV-watching pathway just as quickly.

The brain’s amazing ability to adapt is called neuroplasticity. This neuroplasticity allows the neurons (nerve cells) in the brain not only to compensate for injury and disease but also to adjust in response to new situations and to changes in the environment.

Depending on how you use your brain, it’s connections are either constantly strengthening or weakening.

Look at it this way – if you had great potential in high school but were never able to highlight your abilities – and you got labeled as not quite smart enough – it likely played a role in the choices you made. The fact is, however, that you do have choices in the matter. You can choose to believe erroneous statements about yourself and allow those statements to guide your future pursuits – including college and other dreams. The path you choose, however, will quickly set the tone for your future. In the end, your attitudes and actions conspire to adapt your brain to your way of thinking. If you decide that you, indeed, aren’t quite smart enough for college and beyond, your brain will swiftly adapt.

If, by contrast, you took this opportunity to prove the naysayers wrong and tackled the educational hurdles ahead of you in order to pursue your career dreams or to create a business that’s meaningful to you, your brain can just as easily adapt to this mindset – one that is far more likely to facilitate your goals.

The choices you make, the attitudes you embrace, and the behaviors you engage in alter your brain’s very structure.

Neuroplasticity and the ability to alter our brains by altering our beliefs recedes with age. There’s no time like the present – address the changes you want to make today.

The fact is that many of us pursue a self-sabotaging course of action. We latch onto the million reasons why our venture won’t succeed, why our boss won’t give us a rise, or why our love object couldn’t possibly be interested in us. And, lo and behold, all of these preconceived notions are self-fulfilling – much like having bad karma on tap. In the process, we create our own failures. Even worse, we ultimately chalk it all up to being yet another example of what’s meant to be. Do you play a role in your destiny or don’t you?

Your behaviors, actions, and beliefs can alter your brain in both positive and negative ways. By repeatedly engaging in meaningful behaviors, you allow yourself the opportunity to move forward in exciting new directions. By actively addressing your legacy of thoughts and implementing necessary changes, you can gain knowledge, master new skills, and alter the course of your life in ways you’ve probably never even considered. The secret is believing in yourself.

Are you ready for change?