How playing a victim in your own life supports your goals

One of my clients approached me recently searching for advice. Not a coaching session anymore, just a piece of friendly advice. She transitioned to a brand new career (that she had designed for herself )3 months ago and she run into some difficulties with her new supervisor and mentor. When she called me, it wasn’t the same confident woman I finished the program with helping her go through a major transition in her life, though. Since I don’t give career advises, we just started talking…

She was fearful and defensive and kept complaining how difficult it was to adjust to the new employer’s pace and requirements, how different her mentor’s methods were to what she had dealt with in the past and how surprised she was that her boss was successful at all.

Although it was almost 11 pm, I sat on my bed and just continued listening to her. She kept asking for advice, as ‘so many different life challenges accumulated in her life, and she couldn’t handle it anymore.’ Her judgment was clouded, she couldn’t see what was happening to her and what a great opportunity she was facing – being able to be trained by an extremely a successful professional in her new field and being paid at the same time to become as successful as her soon.

I repeated in my own words what I understood from her monolog.

Then I proposed she tried to see the entire situation with her mentor’s eyes. She paused for some time and admitted that what her boss is saying is not entirely nonsense. She saw the case with her supervisor’s eyes.

Then I lost her again as she started complaining about how much she tries and how much she fails at accommodating her new boss’s requests. She kept whining without noticing that she perpetuated all the negative thoughts her mind was feeding her with.

I was quite tired already, so I asked one question:

'How are all of those complains supporting you in achieving what you what’?. She went silent for a moment. After a while, she replied: ‘They don’t support me at all.’

People land in your life for a reason. You chose people you are friends with, or you work for. You let them in as something attracts you towards them, something that makes you feel comfortable or exactly the opposite – challenged every time you are around them. It depends on how much risk and uncertainty you tolerate and crave for in your life.

On the other hand, people who decide to work with you or take you under their wing so you can grow with them, who invest their time and the energy in training you (or just letting you watch them and prove you are useful) – they want to be close to you for a reason as well.

When in doubt:

- Give as much as you can to those who confided in you and gave you a chance. Take advantage of the situation, bring value to whatever you are doing and, most importantly, don’t bail on your idea only because the road towards your goal got bumpy.

- Believe in your success as much as you believed in yourself when you formulated the goal and decided to change your career (and life) for better.

- Always search for the silver lining and be able to adjust your behavior to the new conditions or make some improvements to your goal if needed.

- Just stay focused, and the universe will wink at you.

- If you are playing a victim in your own life – just stop. It doesn’t take you anywhere close to your goals.

Not a long time after we finished our late call, she texted me:

‘Sorry I kept you up. I value your opinion a lot, and after our conversation, I reconsidered a lot of things. I should not and do not want to complain’.

I am happy to report she is back in her game again.😊

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